How Fear Kills Your Dream "The Shadow That Scares You"

When I was younger, I used to love the skipping over a rope game. I would watch my sister play, my neighbours compete and that was how my love for the game built up, but I was scared of something, skipping the rope because of fear of losing. There was no time I was called to play the game that I wouldn't make out excuses like, I don't like games, I don't want to fall, the rope is lengthy, the rope is not lengthy enough, and the list goes on and on.

This fear built in me that I practically hated all games. What is this fear? the "Fear of the Unknown" , losing before being defeated! I held grudges within me for my inability to face this monster named fear, but it conquered me times without number, the common ludo game became a PS4 games, the well known WHOT became xbox one games. Little did I know that it was killing my power to explore my abilities, talents and technical expertise. I continued in this manner till I started getting challenged by people that go to training schools to learn what I am good at naturally, then the fire arouse.  The fire to keep walking like the lame that got freed. I started daring things I wouldn't give a second thought, and the chains of fear started breaking.

There is nothing like "phobia", we created it in our heads. Fear lives in us because we allowed it in the first place. A timid soul will never be daring, he hides under the canopy of humility, avoidance of I-too-know tag, but all these are EXCELLENT EXCUSES FOR STAGNANCY. I woke up to one reality that, if I do not dare it, I will never get it, be it game, career, extra curricular activities in all facets of life, I will be like a novice who is worse than an illiterate and eventually die with virtues people would have remembered me for. All these put together formed a creative slogan "DON'T LET YOUR INNER ABILITY BECOME YOUR INABILITY".

In as much as you created fear within you, maybe through a failed attempt, actions of people against you, or your personal defect, you can kill it. That moment you stand up to the task, raise your head high and get focused on the goal, game, project execution, speaking up for your right, whatever it may be that is right, you are heading towards the sky. Competition is a necessity, putting your best in the right way by not getting distracted by your competitors, because in that competition lies the existence of such business, service, career, games and all. DO NOT ALLOW FEAR TO SILENCE YOU FROM ACHIEVING WHAT YOU LOVE, DEAL WITH IT!

SEDUCTIVE MIS/MARKETERS

A decoy they say it is, the recruitment of young, beautiful and talented ladies in the marketing industry. An application which reads that:" a young, not above the age of 30, beautiful, specifically fair complexioned, intelligent, with an upper credit from a notable university is required in a marketing firm... Note, the applicant must be a female" has a clause, and what is this clause? This and many more will be discussed  subsequently.

A human resource representative knows each and every implication of recruiting a figure with no input in an organisation, hence the fast track of job specification with a defined qualities of who to be expected, so as to avoid delay of service. According to the above requirements, an old cargo is not required, a dark complexioned lady will be an after thought, a beautiful person with a shallow mind might have little or no chance of getting the job. Who exactly are we looking for, a model with beauty quality or a genius in the marketing field?

According to Michelle Krier of Clear Edge Marketing, she says; Because marketing is always evolving, and keeping up with the latest and greatest is a challenge, I look for things on the resume that demonstrate this person is go-getting and has initiative to keep pace. Have they taken on greater responsibilities, either with a long term employer or through job changes? Are they involved in industry or marketing organisations? Those small cues provide important insights for evaluating if the candidate could be the right fit. There are some soft skills that evaluate in conjunction with the skills and qualifications of the candidate. Do they seem excited about what they do? Are they naturally curious and eager to learn? Do they seem to have initiative and drive to succeed?

Professionally, skills in the desired area are firstly considered before any other thing, but recently, appearance has the lead. Most HR representatives hinge this on the common saying which goes thus; You are addressed the way you dress. Dressing is not the major consideration in some firms, good looks, stature, beauty have stolen the original idea of competency in the marketing industry and this makes females the targets. Going by the unprofessional way, they believe that getting what you want with what you have is the speedy way to achieve success, by neglecting the integrity that such companies, firms, organisations mostly include as part of their missions and visions.

Going by what Michelle Brammer of eZanga said; "The world of marketing evolves so quickly. If you're unwilling to learn, you'll miss out on excellent opportunities to move marketing efforts, and brand, forward. Candidates should have a verifiable curiosity to learn, and not just in business. Personal interests are very insightful too. Did a candidate learn a new language, take online courses to learn how to code, or even take up a complicated hobby? Awesome! This tells me that they are okay with being outside their comfort zone too", a marketer should learn how to diversify, be proactive, smart enough to see opportunities on his or her toes, but the reverse is the case now.

Scandals are on the increase due to lack of professional methods of marketing services and products of companies to prospects. Could this be a cue from the HR representatives inability to be professional, or the major intentions of employees (prospective marketers) to take the bull by the horn, taking the competition to another level? This negligence in most cases makes most organisation lose their integrity and completely get beaten out of the labour market.

UN-PROGRESSIVE EQUATION

By: Odunmorayo Olalekan Matthew
        Author and speech writer.

"Our journey as a nation has never been easy, it has always been TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE STEP BACKWARD"
Those were the words of the 44th president of the United States of America, Barack Hussein Obama in his last address to the nation as president.

Democracy in any country has never been easy. It's full of ups and downs, political drama, sabotage, imbalance equation between the few positive minded and numerous negative minded people majorly influenced by the rich, powerful, selfish, score-settling individuals to jeopardize the progress. When their plans work out, then Barack Obama words would read as ONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACKWARD.

Mathematically, that is one minus two. We don't need to look for a professor to provide answer to this. A smart nursery school kid would tell you it's MINUS ONE. Still getting out of the mud.
Nigeria what are you doing?! What is wrong with being black?! Why are we still where we were?! Do our problems defiled positive solution?!

'If our party had been in power, things would have been better'... dear politicians and political bloggers, don't feed us that nonsense. The same government was in power at the federal and cross river state yet TINAPA failed to work.

Having been to the Dubai Mall and Tinapa dozens of time, the only major thing which separates them is that there's traffic of human beings in the former while the latter has traffic of toads making irritating sound.

In this present world, a country that will compete favourably ought to have uninterrupted power supply and her poorest citizens living far above miserable one dollar the world powers are measuring us with.

Until we fix those things that are urgent and important for our existence, the negative equation will continue its consistent ugly run.
We do not really need to suggest so many solutions to our problems because the solutions are begging the questions. All that is needed is COMMITMENT, PLEDGE, and LOVE FOR THE NATION CALLED NIGERIA.

God bless our nation and good leaders who have masses interest at heart and ACT.

How Whistle Blowers and Other Reasons Cripple Celebrities' Marriages

One marital mistake every soul makes is the zeal to meet up to the standard expected by people watching them, and this however stretches the line of competition which succinctly ends most people with spouses that are not compatible with their personality. This ideology is rampant amongst adults of marriageable ages these days and it is chronic among people mostly celebrated in all sectors,  especially entertainment industry.

In recent times, wedding is highly classified than marriage itself, and the real meaning of marriage is no where to be found than the bin where it is trashed. In order to avoid exaggeration, most wedding ceremonies have huge expenses ruined on them, while little efforts are avoided to make the marriage work or successful.

These are some of the reasons most celebrities' marriage crash;

- Whistle Blowers: The whistle blowers are everywhere around almost all the celebrities.  They are the rumour mongers, stalkers that follow them on social media, they come as friends,  and they aim at nothing but to help you blow your weakneses to the world. Sometimes some celebrities are the whistle blowers of their private lives because their fingers are readily on their tabs to expose both good and bad they encounter on a daily basis, and all these complicate matter more.

-  Lack of Love: A marriage counsellor once said to me; most people getting married these days are merely interested in the "tag". They want people to see that they are hooked up with rich, famous, and good looking personality and these make them to lose focus on what the selflessness of love in marriage entails. They mostly gun for the name calling ' she's married, he is married'.

-Internal and External Pressure: Most celebrities settle for people they are not compatible with because of the pressure from both parents and colleagues, and fans inclusive. Some say ; 'You don tey for market', and the next line is to settle for someone who is an acquaintance whose intention is not verified just because he/ she showed interest for a short time.

- Pride: What pride can destroy in few minutes, it cannot build in several years in most cases. Most celebrities that encounter hiccups in their marriages have been victims of pride. There is no crime in correcting one's spouse, and there is no crime being submissive when corrected.  No marriage rule forbids begging when one party hurts the other, and no rule says rejection of plea is absolute.

- Privacy: Most celebrities have jeopardized the place of their privacy by divulging all their activities to the world. Their marital news is everywhere, on air, social media, like their fans care about their private life so much not to criticise them.

- Unnecessary Entertainment of Interviews: Did your fans get you married to your spouse? Why do you think they need that part of your life story? Would your interview vindicate you to be a saint? These are the questions you should ask yourself. Some celebrities feel that every inadequacy in their marriages needs explanation to the world.  They often want to rebuild their image when they sense failure in their marital lives, hence they take up interviews that put the whole event to the face of the public. Mind you, a fan that supports your private life going public doesn't have your interest at heart.  True fans often love unconditionally,  and what they firstly fell in love with should be your art and skill in your field, but when it goes beyond that, you are beginning to be their crush. Don't be afraid when such fan jubilates when your marriage hits the rock. Your fans are not interested in your in abilities, they only need you to make amendments and represent them.

- Priority: Do not prioritise your career than your home, and do not jeopardize your career as well. Some celebrities are single because they enjoy the independence,  but your ability to choose marriage has given you a responsibility that you musn't fail to do diligently.

These and many more are the reasons some celebrities fail in their marriage. Let's take a clue from Olu Jacobs and Joke Silva, they are both not perfect, but they keep fighting on, because marriage is a commitment and not some melodramas to be played to the world.

EXTRAVAGANZA!!!

The beautiful gates are not often opened by the rich, the poor man opens the gate at the command of the rich. An extravaganza was what I demanded for at my wedding party, and my fiancé had no choice but to grant my request. I wanted to be in place of Herod's daughter, whom her father asked her to demand for anything she wanted because she danced so well, alas, she demanded for John's head. My case was different, I demanded that the wretched housemaid of my fiancé's parents to do a stripper's dance for me. I hated the girl the first day I met her.

My wedding day approached, and so the excitement to spite the girl aroused.  Few hours to the party, the girl pleaded with me to allow her to cover a little bit of her nakedness, I refused, shouted at her and walked majestically to the venue. And when the time she was about to launch the dance came, some guests felt so disgusted at the sight of the girl, some walked away, but others enjoyed the show. To my surprise, my husband was so engrossed with the show, but my tap woke him back to life. 

I became restless and I asked him why his eyes were glued to the girl, he yelled at me saying; I wanted the crowd to get entertained, and he is one of the audience. That moment I knew I dug my grave with a mechanized machine. My husband complained of stomach upset and exit to the rest room. Few minutes to the time my husband went to the restroom, the maid rounded off her dance and went to the restroom to put on her clothes. I became restless and bad thoughts came rushing. 

The master of ceremony called the couple for the cutting of the cake, but my husband was no where to be found. I whispered to the MC to call my husband out of the restroom which he did, but I kept panicking till the end of the ceremony. At the end, I asked my husband what kept him so long in the restroom, he was so fast with his reply; " I took too much beer at the bachelor's eve, and I had to purge my system". I believed him and we continued our life happy ever after.

Two months later, my mother inlaw came with her maid, but I warned the girl never to sit on my couch. My mother inlaw pleaded with me to allow her a place in my heart. Some minutes later, my husband entered with his father and sisters, I started wondering what the unannounced visitation was about. They sat down and started pleading with me, but my sister inlaw couldn't hold her temper as she said; "the maid is pregnant for your husband and you caused it". I stood up and moved closer to her, but my husband stood up to protect her, and I heard those words that broke my bones.

The true confession of my husband stated that, he met the maid crying as he was leaving the restroom, and helped her into the ladies and that was when the attraction began as he couldn't resist the nakedness. He said he has never been attracted to the girl for the past 10 years she started serving his parents, but I made her naked for his eyes to see, and since then he could not live without her. My husband was having an affair with his maid, and all the times he was visiting his parents, his mind was always looking forward to seeing the maid.  I didn't get pregnant within the two months, but the girl did. My case is like a rabbit that dug a hole, and the hole finally trapped it. 

I cried my eyes out all night, but my husband left our matrimonial room for the maid's room. My inlaws had relocated her to my house, so I looked up and started thinking of how I would live in the same house with a dirty thing that disgusts me. Come to think of it, her offence was that she hugged my husband the first day I went to visit his parents, and I became jealous. See what jealousy has caused me. I lost my husband totally to a maid. I had no choice than to divorce, retrace my steps and get back on my feet.

Most times, we hate the poor, throw dirts at them, even get jealous sometimes, despite the fact that they have nothing. We always take joy in making them unhappy by widening the gap between the rich and the poor, but we shouldn't forget that all those pains are teaching the poor how to fight back, possess their possessions and rule over us. Nigeria got independence from her colonial master by fighting back because the slavery had sharpened her citizens to possess their possession. A rich man is not meant for only the rich lady, and the rich lady is not meant only for the rich man. Whenever one misuses the opportunity, there could be a role reversal. 

XENOPHOBIA: AGAINST THE SPIRIT THAT UNITES US

When we cannot comprehend our systemic failure anymore, it is easy to brand other people enemies of our progress. That is the new law in South Africa and they have made me look up word I have never looked up in the dictionary, xenophobia- the irrational fear of foreigners or strangers.

About two decades ago, every black person was good to the South Africa because every country on the continent stood firm for them eventhough those countries needed the resources they expended for their own development. Even unkind Abacha was kind to them.
The poem, Nightfall in Soweto was inspiring as Africans fought through apartheid even Nigerians elite fought it more than fighting the tyrants in Aso Rock at the time. But how on earth would the murderers' hands lurking in the shadows, clasping the daggers to strike down the helpless victims be those of apartheid kids saved few decades ago by those they now branded enemies? Now we are the prey, your fellow black men!

Mandiba the great came out of prison after twenty-seven horrible years and became president. He showed the world how to live by visiting the tomb of his jailer and discouraging the whites from leaving the land. Desmond Tutu was never wrong when he said, Nelson your people have failed you! Nearly all government in Africa have failed. They lack direction and now the black race suffer for their vision-less leadership. Libya is no place to live for a fellow African and now South Africa. We do not have to lose our heads as a strategy to eject criminal, it only requires working policies to put excesses of indigenes and foreigners under check, but our leaders cannot think to formulate policies that will make us prosper in our own land (except there's something in it for them), let alone foreigners without breaking laws.

Fellow Africans, if our heads have lost their heads and are not helping our situations, we should not lose ours by killing one another. Live according to the law of your host country as a foreigner: remember that earning little legitimately is far better than amassing wealth illegally, it is unjust to everyone in the land. Your ill actions affect everyone holding the passport of your nation.
May our leaders receive mindset, strength and understanding to lead us right. May the spirit of love, oneness and fairness regardless ethnicity and religious differences rest on us. God bless Africans!

Odunmorayo Olalekan Matthew
Author and speech writer

ENCHANTMENT, MAGIC OR PERSUASION?

Eric is a daily commuter on the ballot street, the road leads to his office and it serves as a short cut to avoid traffic of the morning hustle and bustle. As a bachelor, he chose a restaurant where he picks up a food package on the street before he continues his morning drive to work, and this has been his routine even after the gentleman got married to his beautiful wife.

On a monday morning, Maria cried out to her husband from the bathroom to take along a sumptuous meal she prepared from the dining table, but Eric rushed down the stairs lamenting that he was behind schedule. In annoyance, Maria rushed down with her towel tied to her body with soap bubbles, and here comes the eruption of quarrel between the couple.  She asked Eric the benefits of the road side food he jumps at every morning above her meal. She burst into tears and demanded to get an answer, else she will conclude that her husband has been enchanted.

Immediately Maria mentioned 'enchanted' , Eric lost his strength and the sofa was close to him, so he took his seat. He made something special known to his wife by seating her down to explain a fact to her. Eric explains " My rib, I am an entrepreneur, and I understand certain things in the business world. In a book written by Guy Kawasaki, he says " The process of enchantment is not about manipulating people. Enchantment transforms situations into relationships.  It converts hostility into civility and civility into affinity.  It changes skeptics and cynics into believers and the undecided into the loyal."

He continues... apart from the fact above, one of the endorser of Guy's book, Sir Richard Branson, Founder of the Virgin Group also stated that " The book captures the importance and the art of believing in an idea that delivers something unique to the customer....". Maria, I love you and no one has enchanted me, not TK restaurant, not even the most beautiful staff there, but I gained their trust when you were yet to build a business of marriage with me. From the least staff to the owner of the restaurant have good customer relationship and if you did your assignment very well, you would have heard that they have the highest number of customers on the ballot street.

"Maria, you are a great cook, and I have always eaten your dinner, but you are yet to convince me to pick up your breakfast. I don't have to get down from the car to pick a package from TK restraunt, they have my number and all they do is to put a call through and my usual is always the response. My breakfast is often delivered to me at a tap on my phone, but my love,  you can convince me. Let me know that you can put my breakfast in the car before I am in haste to pick it up myself. Let me know that the airtime I use in calling TK for my usual is a waste, let me know that the little minute for stopping over could steal my time. I respect you Maria, you can buy me from TK, and I will surely be your regular customer. Magic is far from it, witchcraft is not the word, sorcery is not appropriate, wizardry is a misconception, conjuration is not acceptable, but a feeling of being attracted to something interesting, a routine of loyal satisfaction and not a magic spell at all".

Maria sighed after the whole narration, and she wasted no time at all, she picked up the food and followed Eric to the car. She made a statement as she closed the car door " Robert Scoble says " You feel it when you drive a BMW, touch an Apple ipad, walk into a Sephora store, or buy from Zappos. Kawasaki reveals how you can deliver the same enchanting experiences as these famous brands." I am ready to take you from TK restraunt as Maria delicacy will be all you take as breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Don't worry about how I will do the lunch, there is always a way out". They both smiled and he zoomed off.

According to Guy Kawasaki, " Enchantment can happen during a retail transaction, a high level corporate negotiation, or a Facebook update. And when done right, it's more powerful than traditional persuassion, influence, or marketing techniques.  The goal is not merely to get what you want, but to bring about a voluntary, enduring, and delightful change in other people.  By enlisting their own goals and desires, by being likable and trustworthy, and framing a cause that others can embrace, you can change hearts, minds, and actions." Your level of persuasion can determine how far you can go in your business.