WHY DO WE CHOOSE SEX OVER COMMUNICATION IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP?

 

It was love at first sight some people assume if the romantic chemistry erupts like volcano, and then a mistake if it never worked out. The story of love can not be told from a less hollowed point of view, but the assessment of some relationships could nip in the bud some eye openers to knowing how a relationship is meant to be handled.

A little story before we tackle some issues will not bore us, so we take this; I met a friend and we got talking so we chose to meet one on one which we eventually did. Three days after we met, he started clamouring for sex, he wanted this as if it was meant to be a quickie, but something struck my mind, that if we eventually make that happen, then something might go wrong. I decided to turn deaf ears to him, and only to see a nice man acting like a devil in the wind. It was as if the hatred came and the little likeness we shared disappeared in the thin air.

Love is not a product of infatuation, not a process that can be accelerated,  because it takes time to stand. You cannot profess love to someone you barely know, because in doing such, the relationship could end in pieces. You can only like or get infatuated to someone at first, but as time passes by, love takes its stand and it goes on and on. Remember, love doesn't give up easily. Before love takes its root, communication must have taken its place through friendship. Learning and knowing more about people you are attracted to make it more interesting as you discover new things about them which can trip you off or turn you on. A relationship that starts with sex cannot be guaranteed because some men have sex with prostitutes without loving them. In actual sense, men can have sex with ladies they don't love and keep away from those they love. So erase the content that seeing the colour of your panties will make him lead you to the altar.

You can only get bothered in your relationship because it might not work out if some steps are not taken. You can never apply your makeover before having your bath, and you can never put on your dress or suit before your underwear. So many people run down streams of tears after a broken relationship without checking where they missed it and the mistake continues over and over. The scratch is important than any other thing built on it, so your foundation matters. After a break up, some people often find it difficult to start over and this has made insecurity to gain prominence in the society today as love is professed but not meant. You can definitely start all over again, a new life with a new approach. Here are some quick grabs to take into cognizance :

Say goodbye to your pains and worries:

Worries can not change anything, so why invest your time in fruitless effort, a seed that cannot germinate anything but hatred and sickness. Try as much as possible to embrace yourself by loving yourself through identifying reasonable and productive things that can pull you out of the mess of worries. Go for events, read motivational books, visit the less privileged, and be happy.

Do not attribute your failure to anyone:

Assume that no one caused your breakup, not even you or your ex, because doing this breeds bitterness and anger. Just let go and stay focused in your new life.

If you compare yourself to others, then your value will diminish:

No relationship is perfect.  Just because you don't know how they deal with their imperfections doesn't mean they don't have dirty linen. Stop comparing your life with some people and mould yours in a better way.

Open your mind and head at thesame time:

If you open your mind, better offers will come, and if you open your head, ideas to manage your relationship will keep coming.  Always attend relationship counselling classes, read books that can make you productive and stop assuming that things will  work out as you wish without extra effort. Explore by knowing the characteristics of your suitors to enable you pick the best. Do not be in a rush to conclude or enter into a relationship.

You need to check yourself :

We all need grooming, except if we don't want a change in our lifestyle and if you can't change your ugly old ways, then don't yearn for a better man or woman. Look deep within, and check if you're the saucy type, the snub, the dirty, the scattered, the talkative, the lazy, the gossip, the unfriendly and all in such category. You don't have to earn much to dress well, you can make do with the little you have intelligently. Check your company of friends if they promote or drag you behind, and glaringly the former is better than the latter.

Love details cannot be exhausted because it is a study that needs a research on its own, and new social trend has made it more difficult to know those that are truly in love and those with preying eyes looking for the vulnerable and this is why both men and women have to be ready emotionally for anything that comes knocking. Being in love is not enough, but getting mature in the spirit can help, that ability to stand when it's stormy and the sense of communication that can change a hardened mind.

HOW DO YOU PERCEIVE YOUR SECURITY AGENTS, ESPECIALLY THE POLICE FORCE?

One of the most annoying things some people complain about is environmental noise, which the sound of a siren is included. Ideally, the sound of a siren connotes emergency, and emergency services could be that of security or health services, except for the government figures that go around with aides.

Have we ever thought that security siren is an environmental noise that is needed and which is not meant to be perceived as disturbance? The effort of the security bodies to restore sanity in the country should not be tagged annoying, instead, that "mtchewww" sound should be ignored.

The Lagos state commissioner of police, Mr Fatai Owoseni during a lecture on national security, threats, solution, and reasons at the department of mass communication university of Lagos highlighted some national security threats which include; corruption, unemployment, terrorism, natural disaster, proliferation of mass destruction, inter religious conflict, pandemics, cyber attacks and host of others. He said that national security is not a one man's job because it starts with individual, that if a man's personal security is threatened, then it can affect other people around such victim. In as much as security agents are put in place, he stated that we all have a responsibility to take in securing our nation.

National security is the responsibility of both citizens and the security bodies put in place to check the excesses of people. How is it your responsibility? A sitting room bulb could explode, and the reactions of people could signify danger, thereby raising false alarm that scares people to panic, and stampede could occur that leads to injury and death in some cases. Stigmatisation of citizens that are affected by terrorist attacks should be avoided, especially those from the northern part of Nigeria as this could lead to personal feeling of insecurity, example given; "Do not allow those mallam's cows to graze around here because they might have bomb tied to their waist" but that has not put away our consciousness ability.  A citizen that notices strange occurrence in his environment and refuses to make it known to the police has jeopardised his citizenry role. I heard someone saying those that did that in the past never got quick or any response, and that takes us to the welfare of the security agents.

A security agent swore to fight for his or her country, but in a case where his welfare is not considered at the time he is in service could bring about doubt that when he is gone, his family will be neglected. It is their job to defend, but when the citizens and government do not value their role how are they expected to deliver with full strength. It is therefore not a reason for a fighter to relent in his job, because it is a call to service.

Sometimes the government are to blame for not putting things in place accordingly. In a case where some facilities are not put in right shape, then who is meant to be questioned. A road that is meant to be motored within 10 minutes takes 30 minutes, then we have to perceive that something is wrong. In as much as we have some bad eggs in every system today, especially in the force, we cannot understimate the value of working facilities.

Have you ever heard about smart police? It's an application that helps you bring the police to your doorstep. As advanced as technology has become, there is a need to take advantage of this medium to get yourself secured. Nigerians want to have a feeling of security, but sometimes some bad eggs in the police force truncate this by pleading for bribe, and another angle is that bribery was initiated by some citizens to hack their way through and this became a custom till date. Have you ever imagined a Nigeria where government provides working facilities, a country where citizens don't bribe their way through or don't raise false alarm, and a country where security agents are up and doing to restore sanity in the country, a country where the media reports cases as they are without filtering, and that is a country we all yearn to have, a country with perfect security.

WHY MY WORDS ARE WISE

"You cannot restore the days that the locusts had eaten, but you can employ your creator to do that on your behalf"

" Cater now that you have the resources because when it's all gone, those you refuse to cater for will mock you"

" It is an act of wickedness to maintain or continue to widen the gap between the rich and the poor"

" Intelligent people often think like the kings, and royal thoughts often come from the wise and simple because all they do is to look for more streams of wisdom"

" Let your day be planned in such a way that no bossom friend can change it"

"It's been the Lord all the way, not human anyway"

An affair with a married man or woman can only cause you to live in danger of staying within a circle. You love the married figures and ignore the single figures that are ready to make you stay married"

"The cost of a designer doesn't really matter if you look like a doll when you are meant to look like a queen"

"Customer relationship isn't just a random tag, but it defines how far your business will go"

"My worst dream ever is loosing a person that has a lot of dreams to turn into reality"